Do You Worry About Protecting Your Children From The Narcissistic Parent?

I can help you co-parent with a narcissistic parent consistently and effectively preserving your sanity. You can support your children to thrive in their authentic selves whilst you ensure your well-being, goals and desires are met. You can do it in a supporting, loving and an understanding environment. 

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- Change your behaviour
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I am Nisanka and I am here to help you ride this tumultuous journey together with courage, healing and self-love; three ingredients that will give your children a sure start in their lives.

 

My biggest reason for doing this is that I was that child who got caught up between two narcissistic parents during their very abusive relationship. Needless to say that I ended up in a similar relationship except for the fact that it felt like a dream to begin with. By the time I realised that the dream is actually a nightmare, I was severely depressed with suicidality. I am living my best life at the moment thanks to the healing journey I have been on. The relationship I have with my daughter is such a magical experience.

 

 My relationship with my daughter is a reflection of the connection I built with myself as a result of the healing journey I have been on.

 

How do I protect my child from the narcissistic parent?

 

Isn’t that the question you are asking yourself over and over when you are co-parenting children with a narcissistic parent. 

 

If I have got your attention, then you may be going through the following.

 

⬜  The narcissistic parent treats you like it is mandatory that you parent, but it is a choice for them

⬜  The narcissist breaks childcare arrangements or doesn’t show up at all when it’s their turn to pick the children up

⬜  They trash you to your children

⬜  They are surrounded by people who enable their lies and drama and keep trashing you in front of your children

⬜  Your children feel like it is their duty to protect them and they get caught in the crossfire

⬜  You are left to do everything from supervising children to running the entire home whilst working. 

⬜  They make  you feel bad about whatever goes wrong in child’s life


 

Amidst all of that chaos, you are probably blaming yourself,

 

⬜  for choosing to have a child with a narcissist 

⬜  for the toxic separation that children go through or the toxic environment that your children are brought up in if you are still living with them

⬜  gaslighting and manipulation your children are put through by the other parent

⬜  for having ignored the red flags in the relationship early on

⬜  for having to allow your children to spend solo time with the narcissistic parent without you being there to protect them


 
Your dilemma probably is that you neither want to gaslight your children nor you want to say anything bad about the other parent to protect your children from further trauma. 


 

Truth be told, having an antagonistic parent does have its toll on children. The most painful part of this herculean task is to watch the pain, confusion and trauma that your children experience whilst you are going through confusion, numbness, depression and anxiety yourself. 

 It’s not like that the family court system is supportive is it? We live in a society that enables narcissistic behaviours. You are likely to hear toxic advice from people around you such as ‘every family goes through this’, ‘relationships are hard’, ‘go on a date night and it will be alright’, ‘have you tried to communicate with them?’. It can be a very painful and isolating experience to process your own reality and support your children through theirs. 


 
There is HOPE and GOOD NEWS.

 

You can be that one solid parent who is present and consistent in your children’s life that can be an offset to the narcissistic parent.
 
You can provide your children with the empathy, compassion, secure attachment and the mirroring your child needs. 

 

“The tyranny of narcissistic abuse is that we blame ourselves for the narcissistic person’s behaviour” - Dr. Ramani Daruvasula.

 
Together we can decide on how to support your children whilst ensuring your well-being is taken care of. 
Together we will,

 

⬜  establish how to co-parent effectively preserving your energy and sanity

⬜  work towards your dreams and aspirations

⬜  Find ways to deeply connect with your children so they thrive in their lives.


 

I may be correct to assume that you have already been working really hard to ‘love more’, ‘commit more’, ‘do more’ hoping that things would change.

 

Let’s channel all those skills, strengths and commitments you already have to create a thriving life for you and your children.


 

Your situation is individual however, there are common themes we can work with. 

 

⬜  You have left the relationship and we are co-parenting

 

⬜  You are going through a very difficult divorce process right now and childcare arrangements are still being decided

 

⬜  You are still in the relationship with the partner and parenting together

 

⬜  You have left and the other parent doesn’t want anything to do with the child/children


 

It may seem like an impossible dream now. After all these years of experiencing gaslighting, minimalisation, confusion and isolation that have left you depressed, anxious and in some cases with severe PTSD, you may be thinking, “I can’t do this”. Please don’t write yourself off too soon love. There’s a great life ahead of you despite your current or past experience of narcissism. At one point, whilst going through severe Depression and Generalised Anxiety Disorder, I had written off my life too. I decided to rise from the ashes when I looked in to my daughter’s eyes. At the time, I thought, “I owe it to her”. Now, I am living my life for me. And yes, it takes time. It is totally worth it.

 

I am not going to lie to you. It does take some time. However, I won’t mislead you with the famous quote ‘time heals’ either. Time does not heal nor it solves the challenge in your hand, at least not until your children turn 18 and the court can no longer force co-parenting on you. 

 

So, how are we going to do it then

 

It all starts with you.


 

Do all the above with the support of your Coach/Therapist whilst being in a trusted, nurturing community. 


 

You know you are healing when you,

 

⬜  can keep your calm despite the narcissist’s behaviour

⬜  can keep and not respond to the narcissist’s provocative emails, texts ore phone calls

⬜  can recognize the tolls narcissist’s behaviour had on children when they come back from their home

⬜  can support children to process this toll before or when they act out through other behaviours

⬜  can keep your calm when enablers (flying monkeys and pollyannas) try to bring you down or invalidate your experience

⬜  can keep a straight face even if you still feel scared or triggered by the narcissist’s presence

⬜  can recognize and accept that children have their own journeys to go through too. 

 

And last but not least,

 

 Live your best life regardless of narcissist’s behaviour towards you


 

You may find it difficult to believe it, but the pain you are experiencing right now is a necessary step to growth.

Let me help you use all that experience, knowledge, professional expertise and the empathy and compassion to help you create the best life you deserve. Here’s another way of me saying this. Imagine us two as two friends, having a cup of tea on a sunny day in your lounge and you have just shared your experience with me. After listening to you patiently, you would ask me for advice. With your permission to give you advice, I would say to you “I love you so much to watch you go through this pain. I am going to be with you every step of the way holding your hand and putting a blanket over you when you feel tired and lying on this couch. You have every right to be happy. So, don’t let a fucked up human being fuck your life and your children’s life. You are worth a lot more than that”. 

You may like that advice or you may not. It is up to you to decide. 

If any of the above resonates with you, there are several ways I can help you.

 

 






 

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nisanka@coachingwithnisanka.com

Marine House, 151, Western Road, Haywards Heath, West Sussex, UK. RH16 3LH

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