About You, Me and My Philosophy
Thank you for being here. I hope you find the relevant information about me here. If not, you can always give me a call and ask any questions about how I can help you.
I am a Life Coach, NLP Practitioner, EFT and Matrix Reimprinting Practitioner. I spent almost 20 years in teaching working with all age groups from early years to secondary school. By the time, I thought I was ready to embark my next adventure as an Ofted Inspector, I was too ill with anxiety which later developed to Generalised Anxiety Disorder and severe depression with suicidal thoughts. It was then I decided to process with what I had been running away from.
I am a single mother. My daughter and I live in West Sussex, United Kingdom. We are surrounded by beautiful South Downs and plenty of woodland areas. We can get to beautiful beaches within about 20 minutes drive. Life is pretty good here. You are going to read a bit more about me below.
Currently, I am offering 1-2-1 support. I am in the process of creating two wonderful membership offers. It may take a while. If you are interested to find out more, please do subscribe to my mailing list and you will be the first to hear about those programmes.
Grab a drink and sit down, love. This is a longer version of me. None of us have shorter versions of our lives, especially not when you have endured narcissistic abuse. You and I are going to get to know each other. I am going to reveal what I believe to be relevant information about me. I would like you to read and decide if I am the person who may be able to help you with your crisis in hand. You always have a choice to leave this page or the idea of working with me altogether.
I am going to start by making a confession. I thought about how to articulate my ‘about me’ page a million times. I wrote many versions of this. Each time, I found myself doubting, criticising, feeling ashamed and worrying about what other people might think. I have shared several candid accounts of some of my stories. Some people were inspired and some were moved and some found it ‘too much’. Instead of believing that my story is worth sharing and some people may find it inspiring, I latched on to the ‘too much’ comment and deleted many stories I wanted to share.
This is the impact of narcissistic abuse. To accept our reality wholeheartedly after it being denied for a long time takes practice and skills applied mindfully. The journey of healing is messy at times. It can be exhausting. You may find yourself doubting your decisions and choices. You may find people telling you that you are making things up or you are exaggerating things. There’s little to almost no understanding of the impact of narcissistic abuse in the world, including the world of therapy.
However, over time with support and commitment to healing, our moments of doubts become the moments of courage for us. Our moments of isolation open doors to a new and vibrant life. The pain we have endured becomes the wisdom that guides us. Our moments of grief become the moment of joy and happiness. Our moments of denial become the moment of acceptance. It gets better every day!
My disrupted childhood and the gift of healing:
I can’t describe the rustic town in Sri Lanka that I was born and raised in without a smile on my face. There were streams with crystal clear water, reservoirs covered in lotus flowers, magnificent trees giving shades to us from the scorching sun and a sense of community where we all knew each other, until, the civil war erupted in 1983 followed by political and youth unrest that cost over hundred thousand civilian lives over a period of 30 years.
Distracted by the turmoil in the country, I was numb to what was going on in my own household. As a child, I would do anything to stay away from home. It was chaotic, unpredictable, physically violent and emotionally draining. I don’t remember feeling safe as a child at all. I was trapped between two parents' crossfire feeling responsible to be an adult before I was ready to be an adult. Even now, after years of healing, I still can’t watch violent movies, because they look too real.
Often shaming myself for wanting my needs met, I endured many unhealthy relationships. I let friends, family members, work colleagues, romantic partners suck my soul out of me whilst I believed I was being loyal and strong. I never felt that it was right to leave such situations because I had learnt to put up with responsibilities that were not meant to be mine. My validation came from my academic achievements which I am naturally good at. Yet, I never believed that the ability to complete three university degrees and half a dozen other professional qualifications meant that I was capable of creating a life I wanted. Other people's voices always controlled my life and my way of coping that control was to build a wall higher and rebel within that wall. Like the Icarus in Greek mythology who flew close to the sun wearing feathers of wax and got burnt, I flew so high wearing the wings of pain, disappointment and fear.
My daughter came into my life when I was listening to the echoes of my own anger within the walls I had built. Sometimes, we blame ourselves for the choices we make and sometimes, choices come looking for us. Either way, life simply flows. We either choose to learn from it or we choose to drown in it. I chose to learn when I realised that I was passing down my pain to my child who didn’t sign up for this. I almost recreated my childhood for my daughter and I caught myself before it was too late. Since that moment of realisation, I have been spending every second, every breath carving a new path for myself and my daughter.
Many people theorise healing; what it should look like, what it feels like and what that experience is like, including me. And the point I want to make is that, we have unique and individual work to do based on our individual experiences. No other person reserves the right to dictate how we can embark on that journey. Until I took ownership of my own journey, and I decided to search for the things that worked for me, therapy had become yet another coping mechanism.
When your wings are clipped, your voice is gagged and your dreams are blinded simply because another person doesn’t know how to cope with their own shame and pain, it feels like the epitome of injustice. I feel liberated to be able to let go of that anger of injustice I believed I faced. For me, justice came from my own healing and my ability to provide a consistent and a nurturing home for my child.
Forgiveness is an organic process of the work we do. It will happen when it happens. For me, I didn’t want to buy into the cultural norms of the importance of forgiveness. After all, my ability to forgive kept me in situations longer than it needed to be. So, it was a concept that I needed to develop a deeper connection with before I was able to fully let go. It may or may not surprise you to hear that it was easier for me to forgive the perpetrator who sexually abused me at the age of 7 than it was to forgive my parents who failed to protect me from that. I am not even sure if I have forgiven them for all of their actions. However, I know I have made peace with them. The point is, you will have your moment where you are able to forgive when it feels appropriate for you. If you don’t, please don’t carry the weight of unforgiveness on your shoulder. Because unforgiveness doesn't mean you are a bad person, it simply means you haven't processed your pain yet.
Despite experiencing travesties of love as a child and as an adult, I learnt to love myself and love my child unconditionally. Instead of passing down habits of betrayal and dishonesty, I learnt to trust myself again. I grew up feeling powerless and helpless and I spend every day consciously creating an environment where my daughter is free from any strings from me or anyone else. My daughter is free to find her own wings and fly high or stay low. She is free to scream out loud who she is or enjoy her own silence. She can dream big or dream small. I know life every day is a reality check. There are moments of ecstasy as well as moments of grief. Isn’t that amazing that there are moments in between as well? And, I am o.k to face it all with a crazy dance in the morning or occasional silent tears in the shower. Sometimes all I need is complete silence. Because, I have come to realise that life is just is, despite what happens to us.
What I offer:
When I was going through the recovery, whilst parenting my daughter as a single mother ensuring that she is fully supported through the separation and all the other isolating experiences that came with it, one thing I missed was to have someone next to me to put a blanket over me and say it was going to be ok. One thing that gave me strength was having a few close friends who had faith in me and my decisions. I found an incredible EFT and Matrix Reimprinting practitioner who could hold the space for me without rushing me. I needed that space and faith in me from someone to begin to believe in myself again.
With that experience as well as my previous clients’ experience in my mind, I now offer a membership so that you can be in a loving and an understanding community. I offer a subscription option for you to work with me 1-2-1 so that you have the freedom to choose when it’s right for you to work. I am in the process of creating a space where you can turn your emotions into stories and poems.
I would like to leave you with this. We can create our own fairy tales, Gorgeous! Our fairy tales don’t have to end up with a prince riding a horse to save us. We do not need saving. We are worth the way we are. Our fairy tales could be where we go travelling with our children. It could be where we explore ourselves further. It could be where we start a new venture or find a new partner, or, it could be all of it. You always have a choice in how to write your own script.
Sending you lots of love and healing vibes.
If this is the right place and I am the right person, connect and have a chat with me whenever it feels right for you.