Sometimes my story is a horror, a thriller, a drama, a tragedy, a comedy and a satire. But it’s my story and I am grateful for every single moment of it. So, here’s a little glance at it.
I can still feel the heat on my skin and the dust in my tongue when I think about the small rustic town in Sri Lanka where I was born and spent most of my childhood. Running around in grandmother’s big garden, pretending to fish in the reservoir filled with lotus flowers and tiny little fish that swam around us fearlessly, watching the sunset and sunrise sitting with my cousins on the bank of the reservoir situated right in front of my grandma’s house and getting chased by my grandfather for screaming and messing with his sleep time were some of the sweetest memories I have. My mouth still waters when I remember my grandmother’s rice and various types of curries that she occasionally used to serve on a lotus leaf whilst we impatiently sat on a reed mat under the big tamarind tree in front of her kitchen yard. I am eternally grateful for receiving love from such a kind person who knew nothing but love despite the violence she experienced from my grandfather. What I learnt from her about love came in very useful later in my life. I love you grandma and wherever you are now, I am sure you are watching over all of us.
Those sweet memories and moments helped me cope with extreme domestic violence I was in the midst of between my parents, sexual assault at the age of 7 and 9, constant bullying at school because I spoke my mind, missed opportunities because I was born a girl, witnessing an eruption of war that went on for 30 years, riots where we were scared to even get out of the house, the disappearance of my father for several days which I believed at the time was due to his political involvement in overturning the government, and last but not least my mother’s disappearance with my brother as she could no longer bear the violence any more. Even though, she came back, she was never the same person to me again.
Growing up I worked hard. With each success I gained, whether it’s academic or within my career, the hollowness within me grew bigger. Days became a distant memory. Foggy brain and silent tears blended into the daily chores. What was going on in my brain became more difficult when I had my amazing daughter in 2012. I suddenly became responsible for another human being and I had nothing left to give.
As humans we carry so much strengths within ourselves to survive. I had already survived a lot and nature has done its part to protect me. It’s numbed me from feeling anything and I had another force of life in a form of an infant latching on to my breasts needing more than I could give. The saddest thing was I wanted to give, but I didn’t know how to. With every attempt, I felt failure slapping me on my face. I felt guilt stabbing me repeatedly. Every night, when I put her to bed with a gentle kiss desperately wanting to let her know that I loved her with all my heart and soul, I wrapped a blanket of hatred around me and life became unbearable.
In 2017, in one of the most profound moments in my life, I found myself cuddling and saying ‘goodbye’ to her and I could see my own reflection on those big brown twinkly eyes. I had to do something. As they say, the rest is history.
Years spent between conventional therapy such as counselling, CBT and medication and I am sure I read an entire library of self-help books. Awareness doesn’t provide resolution. That was the dilemma I was in. I was aware nevertheless; resolution was too far until I met an amazing EFT practitioner who prompted me towards it.
Being academic and logical, I never believed the power of it, so instead of using it as a therapy I deep dived in to learning it. The clinical research made perfect sense. The theory behind it made perfect sense and most of all, experiencing the process and gaining results so quickly was magical. And just like that, I found a resolution within 5 sessions, something conventional and mainstream therapy couldn’t do in five years. This awakening gave me a new purpose and meaning in life to help people, let them experience the resolution they have ben waiting for.
I knew deep down, that my grandmother had instilled deep values in me as a child. Even with his angry outbursts my father had taught me a great deal of being authentic. His collection of books, his love for nature have taught me a great deal about life. Reflecting on the lives of people I grew up with fuels my passion to help another human being. For those people who turned violent, sad, miserable and addicts in a conventional society have all got few things in common; missed opportunities, guidance and help.
My lifelong vision is to start a charity in Sri Lanka to give people opportunities For, one opportunity could change an entire life, an entire community and an entire generation. And that’s the gift I want to give to my daughter one day.
So, just like that you have been given a glimpse in to my life. If you are struggling, unable to find a resolution and move on towards your goals, please do give me a call.